This week I have been studying ACT at the Cape Institute and wanted to share the condensed soup version of what I’ve learned! :

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses on the willingness to be with discomfort/anxiety/sadness in order to lessen the struggle with those things. Like a Chinese finger trap, the stressors increase with the resistance to them. Its counter intuitive to do anything but fight/try to control difficult feelings but this natural reaction exacerbates the problem.

One way to increase the willingness to face those difficult feelings is to focus on why you might want to do that: to create more love and relationships you must face the fear of rejection. Each big desire comes with risk, with no promise of success. Much of what people struggle with the most are connected to their deepest desires. The goal of this method is to increase willingness to be with yourself while you experience the discomfort of facing your problems so you are more likely to open yourself up to new experiences/results in service of what you want.

How do you do that?

• Slow down a lot when that problem/reaction to it comes up. Notice the thoughts. Notice the sensations. Break it down into manageable parts and allow it to be without trying to change it. Just watch and notice.
• Think about what you want in your life. What’s important to you? Why is it important to face this issue? What is on the other side of this need to control the discomfort.
• Offer yourself compassion for facing those struggles in the exact same way you’d offer compassion to someone else facing hard things.

Try this with a problem you have. See how this shift in perspective shifts your experience!